Sarah, you sound like you were hurt deeply by what your ex-husband said. That is something you need to deal with before you can do the work of trying to understand why he might have said those hurtful things. If you ever get to that place, that might bring you a more peaceful outlook. Karen
And if BOTH parties to the conflict have the maturity and wisdom and grace to do this, great! But so often, we hear merely lies and accusations, and instead of listening back or thanking for another perspective they keep taunting or denying facts openly documented, ... is the best strategy to just back off and avoid them? But what if the other person is doing very real HARM? To others or oneself? I remember when my now ex-husband would tell our son downright lies, like that I had taken his allowance and spent it on x/y/z, and though I learned how deeply deceptive, manipulative, mean, cruel, and threatening he could be from that, I have never been able to undo some of the harms he caused needlessly to the relationship with our son! When is listening not the solution? Learning from others who believe serious falsehoods seems to be a luxury for those with other support and whose children are not being immediately harmed, --possibly for life.
Seems right within limits: what if when we listen we hear downright LIES or badly twisted distortions?
How do we help others see their self-deceptions? Perhaps share some of our own from the past? I like the way Katherine Hayhoe advises we talk with others about Climate Change. Specific choices.
Sarah, you sound like you were hurt deeply by what your ex-husband said. That is something you need to deal with before you can do the work of trying to understand why he might have said those hurtful things. If you ever get to that place, that might bring you a more peaceful outlook. Karen
And if BOTH parties to the conflict have the maturity and wisdom and grace to do this, great! But so often, we hear merely lies and accusations, and instead of listening back or thanking for another perspective they keep taunting or denying facts openly documented, ... is the best strategy to just back off and avoid them? But what if the other person is doing very real HARM? To others or oneself? I remember when my now ex-husband would tell our son downright lies, like that I had taken his allowance and spent it on x/y/z, and though I learned how deeply deceptive, manipulative, mean, cruel, and threatening he could be from that, I have never been able to undo some of the harms he caused needlessly to the relationship with our son! When is listening not the solution? Learning from others who believe serious falsehoods seems to be a luxury for those with other support and whose children are not being immediately harmed, --possibly for life.
Seems right within limits: what if when we listen we hear downright LIES or badly twisted distortions?
How do we help others see their self-deceptions? Perhaps share some of our own from the past? I like the way Katherine Hayhoe advises we talk with others about Climate Change. Specific choices.