In her book, High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How to Get Out, journalist and author Amanda Ripley describes what a healthy conflict is. In her words: “In healthy conflict, there is movement. Questions get asked. Curiosity exists. There can be yelling too. But healthy conflict leads somewhere. It feels more interesting to get to the other side than to stay in it.”
I tried this technique with a neighbor and couldn’t believe how well it worked.
The neighbor made a comment that she disagreed with Biden’s plan to gradually move away from fracking. Instead of starting to argue, I became curious and gently asked her why. She thinks we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. I told her I think we should reduce our dependence on oil by using renewable energy sources. Turns out we were not that far apart on where we would like to be in the future but had different ideas on the best way to get there.
Now when I encounter an opinion that on the surface appears to be in antithetical to mine, I remind myself to be “curious, not furious”.
I tried this technique with a neighbor and couldn’t believe how well it worked.
The neighbor made a comment that she disagreed with Biden’s plan to gradually move away from fracking. Instead of starting to argue, I became curious and gently asked her why. She thinks we need to reduce our dependence on foreign oil. I told her I think we should reduce our dependence on oil by using renewable energy sources. Turns out we were not that far apart on where we would like to be in the future but had different ideas on the best way to get there.
Now when I encounter an opinion that on the surface appears to be in antithetical to mine, I remind myself to be “curious, not furious”.