Insides versus outsides
Part of the trouble I have gotten into in relationships relates to confusing insides and outsides.
I’ve heard it said that we shouldn’t compare our insides to others’ outsides. This is especially true because social media encourages us to curate our outsides to only show the best. When we compare our insides to those of our friends and family’s outsides, we may lose the ability to see the struggles that they are facing. We may harden our hearts and become unable to see the whole person they are.
We could also feel “less than” the other person, comparing their seemingly perfect outsides to our struggles inside, creating an imbalance in the relationship.
Which brings me to the second problem with confusing outsides with insides. Often our difficulties with people relate to what they did – to their outsides. How often are we concerned about their insides? With how they are feeling? With what bothers them? Considering what is going on in their insides may help us view what they did differently. My previous post on emotions may be helpful here.
How do your relationship problems relate to insides versus outsides?
This message resonates with me but I have only been more deeply aware of it in the last several years. I notice the urge to compare and then reprimand myself whenever some event (action or words) triggers me. It catches me off guard. As time goes on, I get better and better in noticing the behavior at the onset so that I can poise a respond instead of react. Great article.
This post relates in some degree to a very useful book called What Happened to You? Which Oprah and another author co-wrote several years ago.