Don’t should on yourself
One change that I have made over the past few years that has had a major positive effect on my mental health and on my relationships is to stop thinking and saying “I should” or “I have to”.
What I say instead is “I choose to.” That means I need to stop and think about what other choices I do have. Sometimes the choices are all not great, but even then it helps me to realize that I am an independent person doing the best she can in a bad situation. It also changes my attitude.
Recently, I told this tip to someone who was moaning and complaining about their plan to take their elderly mother to a family wedding. She was dreading spending time with her mother because her mother always criticized everything. Changing the way she thought about it really helped her to go into the situation with a better attitude. Afterwards, she thanked me, and later commented that she was grateful that she hadn’t spent that time being resentful because it was the last time she spent significant time with her mother before the mother died.
Is there anything you are feeling pressured to do in a relationship that you might consider another choice? That could help you feel freer.