Why should I change? They are the problem.

This summer, I gave a speech about my book and this newsletter to a group and got some interesting questions afterwards. If you are interested in listening to my speech, you can see it here.

Many people were enthusiastic, but others didn’t buy into what I was saying.

Over the next few newsletters, I will write about the questions they had because I think they’re common barriers to doing the work I recommend. If you have other reasons to not do this work (or have been told about other reasons) than the ones I cover, please let me know so I can address them also.

Barrier 1: I’m not the problem, they are. They’re the ones who need to change, not me.

This is the number one reason I hear for why people aren’t interested in this topic. It’s much easier to point the finger and identify the stuff that the other side does and says as the problem. One reason that this happens is because of our team mindset, as I wrote about in my newsletter, “What team are you on?”

This tendency to split into two camps — to see the other side as an enemy — contributes to our divide.  When we don’t talk to the other side, we just see the caricatures that the divided media present to us, which then pushes us further and further apart. The research shows that each side vastly overestimates how extreme the other side is. Here’s a link to that research:

https://perceptiongap.us/

That means that the work I recommend is only for people who are fed up enough about what’s happening to do something about it, people who are willing to look at their own behavior and who are willing to at least consider that they might be wrong some of the time.

It’s not easy to change. But it is much easier to change yourself than to change another person. If you think you’re going to convince someone that they’re wrong and they will see the light, you aren’t likely to be willing to do this work. 

I wish everyone was willing, but I understand that isn’t true.

But maybe you know someone else who might be willing? If so, please pass along this newsletter.