What could I have done differently?
Last week I wrote about becoming aware of what you had done that caused harm. If you haven’t read it already, it will be helpful to go back and read it.
This week, I want to talk about how to identify potential actions you could take. One suggestion is to reread some of my newsletters because that’s what I often write about. Another is to think about what someone you admire would have done. Or if you have a faith community, what would your faith community suggest that was the right action.
And if you already have done this but still slip up (and we all do because we are human), think about what got in the way of carrying out that action. Was it in the heat of the moment? (It happens to all of us.) If that’s the case, then maybe pausing is what you could have done differently. That could mean taking a deep breath, or just asking for time out or to come back to the topic later. Perhaps saying, “Can we come back to the topic tomorrow after I have had time to think about it.?”
Your recommendation for a pause is so precious. I used to be pressured in a conversation (bordering on argument) to answer or offer an opinion. When I became more aware, I mentally and verbally hit the pause button (not stonewall but actionable), saying something like, "I hear your point. Can I have a moment to think about this? We can pick it up again shortly." This would serve to decelerate the runaway emotions. Giving both of us time to reflect on the conversation. Thank you for this post.