What can you do if the person just repeats the same thing over and over again?
When you ask them to tell you more, they don’t have anything to say?
This was a question that was raised after a sermon I gave at a Unitarian church. (I’d love to speak at your church. If you’re interested, you can email me on this page.
The person asking the question had had a recent conversation with her mother and had been trying to ask questions but not getting anywhere. Her mother was just repeating what she’d heard on television but didn’t have anything more to say. She was just accepting what she heard, without thinking deeply about it. I’m afraid that’s most of us. We often don’t give much thought to our opinions, no matter who we are.
Unfortunately, I didn’t have a great answer that day, so I’ve given it more thought.
The point of talking to people who aren’t thinking deeply is to get them to take a step back and engage. So, the questions you ask must be ones that can’t be answered with a yes or no, and they have to require some thought — but not too much. They can’t be too challenging, but they can’t be too easy either. And they certainly shouldn’t imply that their view is wrong. The point is to be curious.
And of course, we shouldn’t ask anyone to do something that we haven’t done. Before you ask any of these questions of someone else, ask them of yourself.
A curious question is one like:
“I’m really curious to understand more about what you think about (issue). Can you explain it to me?”
But that might be hard question for this person to answer because it sounds like they haven’t really thought about it.
Here are some other suggestions that might work, drawn from the newsletters linked in the list below:
“When did you first start to believe that? Was it said by someone you trust? What makes you trust that person?”
“Can you tell me the advantages and disadvantages of what you propose?”
If they said they heard something on TV: “Where did you get your news before? What made you change? How has your life changed since you changed sources? Have you become more informed? Or do you later find that you miss things?”
“Are there any stories that have been particularly meaningful to you?”
“Have there been any stories that turned out to not be true?”
“Is it useful? Does it help you understand the world better? Does it fit into what you already think, or does it stretch you?”
“Does the article try to make you upset or fearful? How does it do that? Is that what you want your news to do?”
If you have a situation like this and try out one of these suggestions, I’d love to hear about it. And if you have any situations you are struggling with let me know and I will try to help.
Other resources:
I’ve written three previous newsletters that all have great questions that can be helpful.
