What are your assumptions?

The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. —Don Miguel Ruiz

When we get into a conflict with someone, it may be that our assumptions, which usually arise out of our worldview, are different.

Worldviews develop in childhood; they have to do with how secure and safe our childhood is. Those with childhoods that were less secure tend to develop a worldview that the world is a dangerous place. Those with more secure childhoods, develop the opposite worldview—that the world is safe.

Neither one is right or wrong. They both are true because they’re true in that person’s context.

You aren’t going to change someone’s worldview by arguing about an issue. To understand the source of disagreement, understand their worldview and their context.

To do that, ask questions! General good questions are covered in the Ask newsletter (link) but here are a few specific assumption questions to ask of yourself and of the other:

“What are you assuming is true that isn’t explicitly stated?

“How likely is it to happen?”

“Where did you get the idea that it is likely to happen?”

“How long have you felt like that?”

“What in your past makes you believe that will happen?”

This will help your conversations, but it isn’t just so people get along better. What happens when we have these conversations is that we can develop the best plan for the future.

Understanding the other side’s worldviews is crucial to developing the best plan. It makes us smarter, and we come up with better solutions. Ask questions of both yourself and others to understand the assumptions behind both of your points of view.

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