This is hard work!

How much do you want to mend your fractured relationships? How committed are you to change?

Change is hard. I just heard a statistic that only 8% of people carry out their New Year’s Resolutions. I want us to mend our fractured relationships that have been broken by politics, but that means changing our behavior. I want that to happen with more than 8% of you.

What stands in the way?

Let’s look at the stages of adopting new behaviors to see if we learn anything from them.


They are:

Unconscious incompetence: This is the stage many of us are in right now, where our behavior is creating a problem for us, but we don’t realize that we’re doing something that is contributing. What gets us out of this stage is when we learn that there’s another way. That’s awareness. You are reading this newsletter, so now you are becoming aware. If you haven’t already done so, I suggest you go back and read the older issues to increase your awareness more.

Conscious incompetence: In the second stage, we have become aware of how our behavior is contributing to the problem, but we continue to do the old behavior. This stage is frustrating, and we may get exasperated with ourselves because we now know better, but we keep not changing. Yet, some people still make the move to the next stage because they’re committed to trying new things and making things better.

Conscious competence: Once we move into this stage, we start doing things differently, but it feels fake. This is where the slogan “fake it til you make it” kicks in. What get us out of this stage? Practice!

Unconscious competence: Once you’ve practiced enough, you can move into the final stage, where you automatically do the new behavior.

So, it seems the keys to moving through the stages of change are:

·       Awareness

·       Commitment

·       Practice

I’ve used these concepts in making changes, and I can attest to the fact that they work. I learned this idea in a course on public speaking, and it worked there. But I’ve also applied them to the work that I’m calling you to do. I’ve gone through those stages myself. I can confirm that it does feel weird the first time you do a new behavior. Of course, you never do it perfectly the first time and, if you let it, that can derail you. Yes, this is hard work, but it does get easier with practice.

Because you’re reading this newsletter, I think you’re becoming aware. So, the next question is how committed people are to being part of the solution? Are you ready to commit to some practice?


I’m committed to creating tools to help you practice. I’ve created a closed Facebook group for practice online if that works for you. Or if you already have a group that you want to practice with, there are questions in the book Persuade, Don’t Preach to get you started. Or contact me on my website to get a free copy of the more detailed discussion questions I have been developing.

Or add your name to the waiting list for the online course I’ll be creating.

If you have other ideas, let me know. I want to help you take the next step.