The times they are a changing.....
I just heard this surprising arrangement of the Bob Dylan song, and it made me think about change.
The degree of comfort with change is one of the core differences between people. It is one of the big five descriptors of personality. Some people seek out change, are always looking for the next big thing—the latest interesting restaurant or food or fashion trend. Instagram feeds on this. But others prefer the tried and true; they like when things are predictable.
These differences play out in every aspect of their lives. Those who crave change are more likely to be liberals or progressives. Those who crave sameness tend to be conservative. That’s a key element of being conservative—they want to “conserve” the past.
These differences arise out of each person’s worldview. Conservatives tend to view the world as a dangerous place, and they feel safer when they stick to what they know. The environment they grew up in was probably more unsafe or at least not as prosperous. On the other hand, liberals tend to view the world as a safe place, and they are inclined to “fix” what they see as wrong.
So, it might be that the person you are having trouble with is more resistant to change than you are.
I see resistance to change in posts on Next Door all the time. There always seem to be complaints about this or that changing – the restaurant shouldn’t have closed, the new building shouldn’t be built, and on and on.
My first reaction was to defend the change- we need new housing, or whatever the cause is. I’ve learned to not say stuff like that, it never works. What I say is not going to change their personality. My second reaction was to notice that the same people are always complaining. And I’ve come to realize that I know what is going on and a way to address it.
If you’re talking to someone who is less comfortable with change than you are, try to emphasize the ways things won’t change. Adam Grant talks about that in his book, “Think Again.” He says “Research shows that when people are resistant to change, it helps to reinforce what will stay the same. Visions for change are more compelling when they include visions of continuity.”
Next, consider whether you do anything to amplify someone else’s fear of change. If you do, stop it! That’s not productive, especially if you want to mend the relationship.
How does that apply to mending fractured relationships? If you’re talking about the changes you wish to see, find an example that illustrates what it would be like if the change happened. Get concrete and specific. Include the areas that would remain unchanged. That should alleviate some fears.
Adam Grant adds, “Although our strategy might evolve, our identity will endure.” Use that, too. Emphasize that we will still be the same people.
Finally, if you can engage someone in a change effort, that can help alleviate fears. And if you do that, you’ll probably get much more acceptance of the change than if you don’t.
So, that is what I should do on Next Door, the next time I see one of those lamenting posts. Emphasize the things that won’t change.
Back to the song. What do the words “the first ones now will later be last” mean when thought about in this context? It’s Biblical (Matthew 20:16). Are the ones who are resistant to change going to be first? Makes me think. And makes this work even more imporant.