Relationship Mended!
A success story from a friend and reader. Used with permission, names have been changed.
Hello Karen,
I have a nice story to share with you about my cousin. Susan and I have been close since we were kids. But our relationship became strained as I changed over recent years. Susan is a hardcore Bible Christian, which did not pose a real problem for us until I became a liberal Quaker. My political inclinations have become increasingly liberal as I have grown older too. But still we got along well until she fell into Trump's orbit. The man is one step short of Christ in her book. Her overt adulation of this man is very distasteful to me. I had to challenge her on some occasions when she parroted his hateful rhetoric. This winter, she came to visit for a few days and I was so relieved when she left. There were no great arguments because I had insisted that we not discuss anything political during our visit. But the air was very tense and we each sensed the other's—anger is too strong a word—but something like that.
This winter, we visited her for two nights in her Florida home. My husband wanted us to stay longer. I was afraid that if we spent more time together that it might lead to a fight that would terminate our lifelong relationship.
A few weeks before we left for Florida, I awoke in the middle of the night with memories of times shared with Susan. We had been so good and helpful to each other over many decades. My daughter does not understand why I continue to be in friendship with her. I felt a strong leading to go to the computer and write a story about what my cousin and I have been to each other for all these long years. I wrote thinking it would help my daughter to understand Susan better. It filled two full pages when done. Then I mailed a copy to Susan. I chose paper over email so that she might have the opportunity to linger over it longer. Susan keeps letters and cards that have meaning to her. The impact of that letter had unexpected and happy results.
Susan said she liked the letter and that seemed to be the end of it. About a month later, we were together in her Florida home. The tensions that previously plagued our relationship were gone. The things that divided us were no longer center stage. Instead, we talked and talked for hours about all the things that give us joy. The second night of our visit, President Biden was giving his State of the Union Address. My husband Tom asked if I wanted to see it. I said that I was not interested. That was true but I was even more afraid that a political argument would ensue. In the end, the TV was turned on and we watched it. Susan sat fiddling with her iPad through the speech and did not make one negative comment! Instead, I was the one criticizing parts of the speech. It was astonishing!
When we got home, I found that Susan had written her own story of our lives together and mailed it to us to keep. It seems that no amount of debate or discussion about political, religious or even moral values was going to bear fruit. What worked was remembering the love and memories we have shared together over the years. The concluding verses of the Song of Solomon says, "Love is as strong as death. The flash of it is a flash of fire. Love no flood can quench, no torrents drown." Love is at the center of our lives and its source is found in God. Re-centering our relationship into that source brought us back together again.
What could ever be better than that?
Your friend, Jane
Dear Jane, Thank you for sharing that inspiring story! That’s great!
Can I suggest that this is just a beginning of learning how to relate to one another and how to talk to one another? You’ve demonstrated that putting the relationship first works. But we also need new skills to learn how to talk to each other about what we disagree about. Keep up the good work and keep learning how to expand on it.
Your friend, Karen
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