Making amends

I did something last year that I had never done before: I asked what I could do to mend the relationship. I’d heard about the concept of making amends for a long time, but I had never done it. I had apologized, but that isn’t the same as making amends. What I did instead was to try to figure out what I had done that I wasn’t proud of and stop doing it.  I thought I was making amends that way. And sometimes that’s all you can do. 

We have all done things we aren’t proud of, we don’t always live up to our best selves. Recognizing those situations and trying to fix them is a key skill that can help you mend any damage you have caused in your relationships.  

But for me the crucial question was: Why didn’t I ever ask what I could do to mend the relationship before? I am not sure, but I think I was afraid. I think I was afraid that the answer would be something I couldn’t do, or something I didn’t want to do.   

This once, (let me emphasize, I have only done it once!) I did ask.  I said, “I am sorry I did that to you. What can I do to make it up to you?”  The answer was to not do it again.

Well, what a relief. My intention was already to stop doing that.  It wasn’t hard for me to agree to that.

The impact on our relationship has been profound.  What could have been a very sticky situation that lingered for a long time was dissipated. We were able to hug and make up.

I highly recommend making amends. It really doesn’t hurt and it might help.