Is it anger or fear?

Last week, I wrote about dealing with emotion. One of the most common emotions I experience in a conflict is anger. But am I right?  Consider that the person you are talking to might not actually be angry. They may actually be fearful.

I love this quote from Robert Frost: “The people I am most afraid of are those who are the most afraid.“

That’s because they lash out, perhaps without realizing it. They think they are protecting themselves.

How can you deal with this? Well, you aren’t their therapist.  But you can help build your relationship just by listening, while keeping in mind that there might be fear underneath what they are saying. Just knowing that can keep you from reacting.

And if you want to name the emotion to them, using the technique I talked about last week, that might work also. But don’t be surprised if they don’t realize that they are afraid.