How to Enjoy the Holidays by Setting Boundaries Now.
I changed my mind about what to put up when because I saw this great article by Barb Nangle, which is extremely important right now, given the upcoming holidays. I recommend her podcast. She also coaches people on how to set boundaries. She is offering a free group coaching session once a month, you can sign up here.
She is offering a resource to help you get through the holidays, details at the end.
If you’re dreading the holidays because you end up doing things you’re not really interested in doing, or going places you don’t really want go, or exchanging gifts when you don’t feel like it – I’ve got some good news for you!
You get to have the kind of holidays YOU want to have!
It’s OK to ask for what you really want and need during the Holidays. This could mean the type of gift that you want, the amount of time that you want to spend with someone, the amount of alone time or lounging time you have with your family, or certain destinations that you’d like to go to.
It’s also okay if people get mad at you for setting boundaries during the Holidays. It’s not the end of the world to have someone upset with you – it shows that they heard you! You deserve to enjoy the Holidays just like everyone else does!
The sooner you set boundaries with your friends and family, the sooner you’ll be able to actually enjoy the holiday season!
it’s OK to not go home for the Holidays
it’s OK to change holiday traditions
you don’t have to spend the Holidays with people that you don’t like
you don’t have to exchange gifts if you want to
you don’t have to host a holiday event this year, or ever (even if you’ve always been the one to do it)
you don’t have to live up to other people’s expectations for the Holidays
it’s OK to refuse affection from family during the Holidays
it’s OK to stay at a hotel instead of at your family’s home during the Holidays
and you don’t have to talk about subjects that are private or that make you uncomfortable over the Holidays
Below are a few suggested scripts for some of the above boundaries you might want to set.
You don’t have to explain yourself if you’ve changed your holiday traditions. In fact, it’s never your job to convince anyone to understand your boundaries. Choosing to no longer over-explain and justify a boundary is a boundary in itself.
If you want to change holiday traditions, you might say something like, “I’m not going to _ this year. I’d like to try something new. it doesn’t mean I don’t value our old traditions, it means I want to create some new traditions.”
It’s OK to not go home for the Holidays. You might say, “I’m not gonna make it this year Mom. I know you’re disappointed, I am too, but it’s just not possible this year.”
You don’t have to exchange holiday gifts if you don’t want to. You could say, “I’m no longer exchanging gifts with friends, just family. What I’d really like is to spend some time with you.”
You don’t have to talk about subjects that are private or that make you uncomfortable. You might say something like, “I don’t discuss that with other people” or “I’m uncomfortable with this conversation, let’s change the subject.”
If you know you want to set one or more of these boundaries for the holidays, I recommend you do it today! It’s respectful of the others with whom you’re changing plans, and it gives you peace of mind that it’s over with (and that you’re not going to do things you don’t want to do!).
Promotion offer:
If you’re dreading the holidays because you’re always end up tired, miserable or drained, I’ve got just the thing for you!
Boundaries for the Holidays Bundle! How to Prioritize Your Precious Resources of Love, Money, Time and Energy
Our love, money, time and energy are the most precious resources we have. When we deplete them by giving away too much to others, we become drained and possibly even resentful. This is especially so at holiday time.
I want you to enjoy the holidays this year, and you can’t do that if you’re depleted of these precious resources. If you want to live a life of meaning and purpose, you’ll need to be more mindful of how you’re “spending” these precious resources of yours.
With this bundle you’ll get two podcast episodes with detailed suggestions about boundaries you might set for the holidays, including what to say when setting them.
You’ll also get an 11-page workheet to inventory each of these precious resources individually: what your priorities are for each, where you’re actually “spending” these resources and how those two compare. Then you’ll come up with an action plan for the holidays based on where you need set boundaries for yourself and others so you can enjoy the holidays without getting drained or resentful.