How can we deal with family who don't believe in COVID and want to gather?
Have a plan!
Here’s a post from a Facebook group belong to. It was posted in the late summer about a wedding, but it brings up the same issues that we need to deal with now in the holiday season.
“I'm getting a bit nervous. I have a family wedding to attend in a couple of weeks and most of them are Trumpers. One is my cousin, who is a Lutheran Minister.
I miss my family and really want to see them. I was robbed of going to my Aunt’s Funeral in May due to Covid-19. She didn't die of COVID-19, it was just not allowed at church and only few people could go to the grave. Here’s the problem. I live in South Dakota. COVID-19 cases have increased exponentially setting new records of cases and deaths. We have no restrictions.
Am I and my husband going to be safe? Will we be made fun of if we wear mask? Worst of all will we get in a family feud over politics? I love my family. I just don't agree with them now. I pray for strength and understanding and answer.”
Yes, you might be made fun of. And yes, you might get into a family feud. You can’t control their actions, but you can control what you do. And that will change how they react.
Other weddings have caused a lot of infections and even deaths, so you’re right to be concerned. (This also applies to holiday gatherings! Even Dr. Fauci isn’t having his daughters come home.)
You have a choice of whether to go or not. Your reasons for going might include that you want to celebrate, that weddings (holidays) are sacred, and that you want to belong to your family. Your reasons for not going also should be considered, that you’re concerned about the health of the participants. Only you can know how to weigh those in your mind. But try not to let the reactions of others sway you—either that you will be criticized for not going or be criticized for going and wearing a mask.
If you choose to go, you can deflect criticism by coming up with a short and simple answer for why you’re wearing a mask. Know that the clearer and more definitive you are, the harder it will be for their comments to touch you.
If you want to use a reframing technique that would probably be effective with conservative family members, I would suggest saying something like, “My body is a temple, and I choose not to let the virus touch it.” In that statement, you’re applying the conservative purity culture to the virus, a valid argument to use that they’ll have a hard time refuting because then that would mean saying that their purity value isn’t important.
You’re also within your rights to not talk about politics. Again, having a clear and consistent statement that you repeat if challenged is a great way to deflect criticism. A suggestion on a reframed statement could be: “My family (or the holiday) is more important to me than politics. I choose not to let politics intrude on this sacred day.” This is using both the Belonging moral foundation (family) and the Sacredness moral foundation, again both conservative values.
Next week’s newsletter will focus more on holidays and how we can have productive discussion at Thanksgiving. It also includes a Thanksgiving grace to help draw us together. Even though we may choose not to go to Thanksgiving dinner in person, having a plan for grace may help!
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