Don’t talk about politics
I recently had a doctor’s visit with a doctor who told me that the management of the healthcare company she works for had told them not to talk about politics with patients.
She was at a loss. She works in an area with strong political involvement and many of her patients are politicians or actively involved in campaigning for politicians.
She tried to start a conversation with me by saying, “Lots of crazy stuff going on.” She then clarified that this statement would work for either side of the political spectrum.
I told her that I write this newsletter and that I would write about this, although I don’t think she will read it. I tried to come up with some other ideas for her and others like her who are stuck with what to talk about if they can’t talk about politics.
But first let’s talk about why this is a good idea. Because relationships need to be multifaceted and to have many dimensions, it’s a good idea to build a relationship without talking about politics. When we focus on politics alone our relationships have much less richness to them.
So, by not talking about politics, she and we can help our relationship more fully.
What else could she talk about? She could ask about a favorite vacation, a favorite book or TV show or movie. Ask about children or grandchildren. Ask about what the person does to relax.
What other conversation starters have worked for you?
Unless you're talking abut politics with people you know agree with you pretty much right down the line, I find it usually goes one of two ways. Either one or both of you play nice and play it safe and avoid areas of disagreement and do a lot of pretending. Or it gets confrontational and often devolves into a shouting match. But with a few rare people, this has worked for me. If I just shut up about my views and ask deep questions about theirs, questions that try to get at what values of theirs lead to their political beliefs, some rare people will open up and really explain why they believe what they believe about politics. I find those encounters fascinating and fun and revealing, if not moving. And it really makes me think hard about why I believe what I believe about politics. Even rarer, in fact I can't remember a time when it has ever happened, the person turns it around and asks me about my deeper values. When I know politics can't be talked about, like with my husband's extended family (about half of whom think like I do politically and half are very conservative, often religiously so), just asking them about what's happening in their lives, their health and the health of their loved ones, that kind of stuff makes conversations flow easily. But again, it's far rarer that anyone turns it around and asks about my life and health. Since I'm an introvert and prefer writing over taking, that suits me fine. I am happy when I can keep them talking and they are revealing true stuff they really care about.