Avoid saying things that backfire

I was going to write a newsletter about words that are triggers, but I forgot that I had one like it already. Here’s a repost with additional thoughts.

There’s a website about words that backfire I learned about from a reader. Thanks, Val!

I’ve always known that you can say things that backfire, but this article details several I never thought of.  Some of them are caused by trigger words, words that have connotations that you may not realize, that activate an identity. Make sure the words you use are relatively simple, non-technical, non-academic terms. One common complaint is that people find others condescending and this practice can avoid that perception.

Another resource is this TED talk by Isaac Saul, originator of the newsletter “Tangle” that highlights arguments from the right, left, and center on the big debates of the day. In it, he talks about how to be careful about your language in order to avoid saying things that backfire. One of his tips that it is respectful to use the language that people use about themselves. I love learning about the different takes on the issues he includes in his newsletter, if you want to check it out, here’s the link.

A different perspective on this topic is what you can do when you are the listener. (Remember, only you can make changes. I know you want others to change but you can’t expect others to change, so if you are motivated to do something, then these tips are for you.) An important skill is to be able to translate someone else’s words into words that mean something to you. As a listener, if you want to mend a relationship, then try doing that. When I give sermons, I sometimes start out with a disclaimer that I am not going to get the words right for everyone, so I ask them to translate my words into words that are meaningful to them. I’ve had people tell me they find it helpful.