Are you the sun or the wind?

Our natural tendency is to focus on the negative, on what we disagree with. But this makes any discussion more contentious.

Instead, even if you mostly disagree, find something to agree with. 

It may be as simple as affirming that the value the other person is expressing is an important one. This is a powerful gesture and can totally change a conversation. 

The following Aesop fable illustrates this power: The sun and wind decided to have a contest to see which one was more powerful. Both were trying to get the traveler to take off their cloak. The wind went first and blew as hard as it could. That’s what it’s like when we just talk about what we disagree with. Of course, the traveler held onto their cloak even more tightly. The sun went next. It shone brightly and warmed up the earth. The traveler took off their cloak, put it on the ground, sat down on it, and basked in the sun. So, which one was more powerful? Obviously, the sun.

When we agree with someone, we are being like the sun. We get them to relax and enjoy the idea that someone agrees with them.

I try to hold onto this idea when I’m in a difficult conversation. There are people in my life who seem to bring out the worst in me, but when I can do this, the conversations go much more smoothly.

Look for what you can agree with in your next conversation.  Shine like the sun to improve your relationships.