Are you angry?
If you are angry, FREEZE. Don’t do anything. Wait.
I take that back. You can write out a note expressing your feelings. Get it off your chest. You might even share it with a trusted friend. But here’s the key. Don’t send it!
That’s exactly what Lincoln did. He was really angry at the performance of General Meade after the Battle of Gettysburg. Instead of pursuing the fleeing Confederate Army, Meade rested his troops. Lincoln wrote a note expressing his displeasure AND NEVER SENT IT. Instead, he sealed it in an envelope that said, “Never sent. Never signed.”
Lincoln’s emotional intelligence was extraordinary.
I’ve written before about the signals that you shouldn’t say anything and instead do something to take care of yourself. The signals are HALT:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired.
A friend of mine also suggested, adding whether you are in pain. In those cases, what you should do is take care of yourself. Which might mean resting, taking a walk, or a bath, or eating something.
After you take care of yourself, then it might be time to talk by using some of the techniques in my other newsletters, but for now, FREEZE.
If you add the P you get PHALT or fault. Just realized that my feeling of pressure in life is related to self-criticism — which can be described as finding ‘fault’ with my self. Criticism in general finds fault (and maybe PHALT) with others and the world outside ourselves. And yes, you can use this ;-) Thanks for your substack feed.