Acknowledge when you’re out of the norm

I do a lot of reading about ways to help deal with conflict, and much of it uses the same principles. But here’s something I haven’t heard anywhere else. This comes from Sarah Steward Holland, co-host and of the podcast “Pantsuit Politics” and co-author of two books, “I think you are wrong, but I am listening” and the forthcoming “Now what?” with Beth Silvers.

In their first book, they talk about the difference between having a debate and having dialogue. Sarah and Beth tried a debate-style podcast once, and it wasn’t helpful. Together, they’ve found a way forward that allows them each to express their own point of view and listen to one another. They use a lot of techniques that I’ve written about before. They listen, look for complexity and nuance, embrace paradox, give grace, and become curious. (I’m linking to posts where I have written about these things before.) They provide a great example of how to use these techniques. I highly recommend listening to get your ears used to the way these conversations can become both more caring and substantive.  

But one idea that I hadn’t heard before is to recognize and acknowledge when your opinion is out of the norm or extreme. I haven’t heard Beth say it yet, but Sarah says it frequently, especially when she’s talking about abortion. She lives in Kentucky, among people who are not as progressive as she is.

What it allows her to do is to be frank about her beliefs and where they come from. But it also places no pressure on the listener to agree with her.

Let me know if you agree that it is a helpful tool.